Beeld: Instagram/father_of_daughters
Beeld: Instagram/father_of_daughters

Simon Hooper is op Instagram bloedeerlijk over het vaderschap. Van het spelen met Barbies en aankleeddilemma's (wat wil je met vier dochters) tot aan slapeloze nachten door co-sleeping.

1. Ja zeg, ik kan niet nóg verder opschuiven

 

Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space - but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

2. Wanneer mama er niet is om voor het avondeten te zorgen 

 

Clemmie's out this evening so i was in charge of dinner and bedtime. The traditional picnic plate has been overdone recently (random things chucked on a plate and hoping the kids still find it fun and not see through my laziness) so I really switched it up a Gear and gave them pizza. Just to help service along, I cracked open the bottle of @hernogin i was given for xmas - no, im not despressed or unhappy, I'm just partial to a good gin, however I feel I may have not appreciated this award winning tipple fully though as I accompanied it with cold half chewed pizza i'd rescued from the floor using the international 3 second rule and some flat tonic that had been left open my Anya. And yes I'm drinking out of a childrens bottle. I didn't put the dishwasher on this morning and now it's all I can find. We reap what we sow I believe the saying goes. Happy Monday all #aginworthsavouring #dinnertime #couldhavetaughtthemaboutrefractio butdidnt #mondaydrinking #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

3. Je laat je kinderen 5 minuten alleen...

 

@mother_of_daughters is out this evening getting yet another ear piercing (if she gets any more, I'll be able to see through her) so I've got all 4. Like any manager worth his pay grade, I delegated & I left Marnie in charge of the 2 delinquents while I made bottles. I returned to the twins drowning animals in the toilet & dispensing of, what transpired to be, the last toilet roll in the house. Unsurprizingly, like my pay check after 10 days, the 6 yr old had vanished without a trace. If you don't hear from me tomorrow it's because i died on a wet bathroom floor due to getting my arm stuck round the U bend while retrieving a plastic squeaky cow and my dignity. What a way to go. #atleasthedieddoingwhatheloved #toilettombola #baddelegation #myselfrespectisintheresomewheretoo #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

4. Gezellig samen met Barbies spelen

 

I play with Barbie. There, I said it (hardly shocking as I'm drowning in daughters). As an adult, your imagination can get stunted as life experience tells you what's possible and what's not, but playing with my girls & watching where their minds takes them keeps me feeling youthful, something no chemical peel or botox can compete with. Granted, some of the story lines are a little far fetched, but that's the point isn't it? why not be a fashion designer one moment, an astronaut the next and finish the day being a vet, having been a particle physicist that also moonlights as a backing dancer between lunch and tea time. It's hard to keep up, but as long as they keep playing, so will I. FYI I don't play with Barbie when the kids aren't around. not in view of Clemmie anyway. Any other dad's out there who partake in a bit of roleplay #dadswhoplaybarbie #ifiwerebarbieidbeshattered #understandagirlsmindsishardwork #play #parenting #FOD #Fatherofdaughters #ad #dadlife #instadad

Een video die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

5. Als de buren het maar niet ruiken

 

when you become parents, you don't notice it, but your house gradually takes on a new aroma. it's only when guests come round, their faces contort & they ask whether you'd had a fish curry with a side of old ham for dinner, washed down with milk 2 weeks past its use by date, do you realise that you now live with the scent of 'odour de baby ass'. That said, once and while you come across a natural disaster that makes your nose invert and die. I walked into the twins room today and found this offending article next to an open nappy bin. She smelt like a old pork chop found in a drain - upon removal, she seemed blissfully unaware that she was being lifted by her dungarees and carried on stripping the silcone off a bottle of old milk I'd not cleared up. #myhousesmellsofass #missionimpossibleimpression #porkchopinadrain #neverbedownwind #hazmatsuitrequired #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

6. Goeie vraag, meid

 

This week my eldest has been doing sex education at school. Shes very mature about it & having a midwife as a mum, they know a lot more than your average kid, no 'front bottoms' or 'nunnys' in this house, it's strictly a 'vagina' affair (which coincidently would be a great title for a drama series on TV) That said, she's chosen tonight (when @mother_of_daughters is away) to ask questions about men which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but i promised to tell her the truth. My personal favourites - "do you wear a condom daddy?" Me - "Yes". Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. "Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?" I laughed proudly - "Way more......like at least 9 or 10 times" ( I didn't want to come across as a sex crazied maniac). #sexeducation #shestheadultimthechild #sheknowsmorethanme #dontaskaboutmasturbationorilldie #ivedoneitloads #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

7. Wat zijn er eigenlijk belachelijk veel emoji's

 

The wonders of modern technology. Why, oh why did I give my eldest an ipod touch? Yes, its great to stay in contact while im away but my inbox is now full of emoji based spam from my bored daughter. (The emoji poo is a firm favourite). Today while in meetings, I convinced her that because I'm 8 hours ahead of her (I.e. in the future), I could send her the lottery numbers and shes guarenteed to win as i already know the winning ones. Took her a while to figure out that wasn't actually the case, made me laugh though! FYI Yes I look shattered but I've been travelling for 22 hours so what do you expect!! #wecouldhavewonthelottery #remoteparenting #kidsandtechnology #whyalwaystheemojipoo #emojispam #workingaway #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

8. Kledingdilemma's

 

Should I get offended that when I'm in charge of dressing the girls, instead of being given free rein to 'get creative' and use my couture fashion eye to create a 'wow' outfit that will catch the eye and imagination, I walk into their room and find that all the clothes are laid out already. Granted I have a tendency to dress them as boys, and will invariably forget the importance of layers, and that spots and strips clash, and that socks are essential, and that a baby grow doesn't count as day wear, and that I dress them the same, i cant tell them apart for the rest if the day, but surely if you give me a chance, the law of averages will mean I'll get it right one day! #daddressing #twins #dontdressthemthesame #theylovechewingshoes #icandressachild #badly #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

 

9.  Ach: hij is vooral heel trots op zijn meiden

 

Tomorrow is international day of the girl and I, more than most, am celebrating. I might be heavily outnumbered and outgunned, but I'm celebrating because my girls are strong independent young ladies that are growing up in a world that they can do anything they put their mind to (with a little encouragement). We strive for equality and see women as equals (and in my case, as superiors!). That said, in many places girls are seen as second class citizens and have limited opportunities to reach their full potential. This has to change. Go kiss your girls goodnight & encourage them everyday to reach for the stars. Tag a strong girl and share. #mygirlswearthetrousers #daughters #dayofthegirl #girlsareequals #girlsarestrong #sisters #mygirls #girlsareamazing #beproudofyoudaughters #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

fotoserie mannen vaderschap

Deze vaders werden van te voren niet gewaarschuwd voor ingewikkelde meisjeskleding, draagdoeken en babyvoeding. Resultaat? Een hilarische fotoserie.

De vader die z'n dochter een onvergetelijke dag had willen bezorgen...

 

Ook bij z'n zoon liep het anders dan gepland.

 

Of de vader die dacht dat een draagdoek omknopen...

 

Lees ook
'Papaklas' bereidt vaders voor op het vaderschap >

 

Een hapje opwarmen...

 

Z'n dochter aankleden...

 

Koekjes bakken...

 

Of eten klaarmaken simpel was.

 

Nee hoor. Het vaderschap gaat niet altijd over rozen.

Dit artikel is al een keer eerder gepubliceerd.

 

 

 

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12 redenen huilen kinderen

Het verkeerde boekje voorlezen, mensen die niet terugzwaaien of het moment dat ze erachter komen dat de snacks op zijn. Er zijn veel redenen voor kinderen om een potje te gaan grienen, maar soms kun je er als ouder geen touw aan vast knopen. Zo ook niet bij deze foto's.

Papa en ik


 

Toekomstige acteur

Tja...


 

Dat gaan we dus écht niet delen


 

Privacy wordt niet gewaardeerd


 

Soms weet je het ook gewoon niet


 

'Maar, waarom niet?'


 

Het gemiddelde ochtendritueel


Lees ook
Fotoserie: 8x creatieve wraakacties van kinderen >

 

En dit ook


 

Beetje besluiteloos


 

Is ook best eng


 

Het leven is ook zwaar

Bron: BoredPanda.

 

 

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Volg ons op Facebook en Instagram. Of schrijf je hier in voor de Kek Mama nieuwsbrief >